I've always been a yo-yo dieter. I've always wanted to lose more weight- even at my thinnest, and I've always been vocal about it. Bottom line- I love food, booze, and passing a really good time.
I also really love to feel thin, fit, and super hot- be real you do too. Unfortunately, a fast lifestyle and a hot sexy body can't co-exist - ah moderation, my favorite word (HA HA!).
My Junior-Senior year of college, I really started packing on the pound-age. This happened for quite a few different reasons. Stress was a major factor, I became a little to comfortable in my relationship with my now husband, I constantly compared myself to other women and often thought "If she can eat like crap and still look good, why can't I?", with each added pound my self esteem and self worth depleted. It's shameful to admit, but I had all of my self-worth wrapped up in my outward appearance, consequently, my inner self was taking a daily beating. During those last years in college and the one that followed, I essentially lost the spirit of who I really I am.
Rapidly depleting self-esteem and confidence only added to my problems and I allowed myself to be easily influenced by weight loss enablers and sabotagers. I often looked for confidence in all the wrong places.
Additionally, I continuously made flimsy excuses as to why I could not achieve my goals and take control of my own life.
It's Friday! I deserve Pasta and Wine! It's Saturday, everyone eats bad on Saturday! Sunday- well Friday and Saturday were a train wreck, I'll start again Monday- did someone say Mexican food? Well I don't want to be rude to my hosts and not eat their food. I'll be out of town so I have to make bad choices. It's so and so's birthday or football game or insert ten thousands other excuses I could make for myself. I am freaking creative people.
I wasn't ready to commit to my goals and work for the reward. Long story short- it was way past time to find my own tall lady feet and stand on them.
There's always a turning point, a wake up call, a slap in the face, denial ain't just a river in Egypt honey- moment when you decide which one you want more and you're gonna have to put in WORK to achieve your goals.
It was January 2011, 6 months before my wedding. I was at the walk in clinic with the flu, having been sent home from work being too sick to function. Running fever, a runny nose, a headache, body aches, the works. It couldn't get worse right? WRONG. The nurse runs through vitals, blood pressure, height, weight - EEK- I'd been avoiding weighing myself for a LONG time at this point. Because it's always better to hide from your problems instead of facing them right??
It was a big number. The biggest I'd ever seen. The exact number I've only shared with a few of my nearest and dearest, honestly I'm not sure I'll ever be able to share it even here, but I was 61lbs from where I like to be- where i feel hott, sexy, virtually unstoppable. Seeing that big giant- wait your scale must be broken- number felt overwhelming, impossible, emotionally devastating, how had I let this happen to myself? Worse, I had no confidence in myself that I'd be able to fix this, to lose weight, to regain my self esteem, and love me from the inside out. In those moments I felt so alone and hopeless, a true emotional basket case- oh and I still had the damn flu to contend with. I got to my car before the water works started. I wanted to nurse the feeling with popcorn and peanut butter m&m's, a number 13 from sonic, a fried shrimp po-boy, taco bell, or a box combo with an extra sauce from Cane's. Honestly, I still don't know how I stopped myself, but I drove home and devised a plan. A plan to say bye bye to my formerly fat self. Today, I've lost
Let's take a look at just how bad it was-
That's me. Right there in the middle- December 2010. Fat, full on chips and dip and 1500 calorie Daiquiris, and thinking to myself - this was just a bad angle, can you believe she posted that of me on Facebook, must untag as fast as possible, pfff that's not what I really look like - DENIAL!
And some more just in case you thought that picture was a fluke....
Weight Gain in Action. I wish I could go back and tell myself to put down that damn cheese stick!
Looks like i was enjoying it though huh?
That was then and things are a lot different now! I ditched the bottled blonde and reclaimed the real me whose life I adore.
Here I am at my current weight-
11 8lbs away from my goal. I can hardly believe my dreams are becoming reality. Hard work really does pay off people!
How did I do it?
I've changed the way I think about food all together. It's just gas for the tank people.
Happiness does not lie at the bottom of chips and dip or dollar margarita night.