Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Sleep Regression, A Joyous Day, and Perfect Pressure

Time is really sneaking away from me, I missed last weeks check in- whoops! Over the last week, a few big things have changed for Rafe, and consequently his parents! Rafe is rolling all around in his crib at night. Which is good because he can put himself into more comfortable sleeping positions. It's bad because he can't always right himself, which means he frequently calls for help. We hit the four month sleep regression. The last week was a little bit rough. He is also extra attached to his paci. He can almost almost get it into his mouth on his own. almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades. So I started including a few for back up. Paci war- 5, Mom-1.

Zippadee Zip Sleeper

We have transitioned from the swaddle to the Zippadee Zip sleeper, AMAZING product, however I only have one. Sooo if we have an accident in the middle of the night, I have to get resourceful. This little sleep sack got us through in a pinch. Things seem to be making a turn around, fingers crossed!

 Rafe decided to through in another curve ball into the mix, and switch to a four hour feeding schedule. I knew that three hour feeding schedule. I trusted it. Just when I get used to one routine, he changes the game on me. Good thing he is so darn cute. Sometimes I could cry just looking at him. Get a grip Mom! 

I struggle to take care of myself when I'm tiered and drained. Fitness takes a back seat. I remind myself there will be plenty of time to focus on me later. I'm not losing anything by taking a few days to rest and recharge. I missed three days of work outs and Monday night I was straight exhausted. I ate a piece of pizza and crawled in bed. I was beating myself up about missing a Monday and eating easy food but life happens. Gotta keep moving forward!

The past weekend, Rafe was baptized in the same church his parents got married in. It was such a special day and we were so fortunate to be surrounded by so many family and friends. Rafe was so well behaved, we have such a sweet little baby on our hands. 

I shared a video on Instagram, of the congregation singing Jesus Loves Me, as our Pastor introduced Rafe to his church family. The moment had my eyes swimming with happy tears. I felt so happy in that moment. Happy oozing out of my life, an incredibly joyous moment that I want to always remember and treasure. That is how I felt in that moment. My immediate reaction was to want to share this moment, that we were lucky enough to have on video, but I came close to not sharing at all. Why? I really hated how I looked in this video. I mean hated how I looked. Immediately, I started picking myself apart. Is this really how I look?

I was letting how I saw myself in a cell phone video color my perception of that moment. I saw a wide load back side, fat around my middle, fat hanging off my bra strap, wild humid hair. A total mess. You wouldn't look as disgusting if you would stand up straight! Geez Leigh Ann, you could at least try. You need to be working harder. You look hideous. Picking myself apart. I would never say the things I said to myself, about myself, to another person. I would never see another person in the same light as I was seeing myself. Why did I do this to myself? So silly. I'm working on being kinder to myself while I try to get back to a more comfortable place with my body. I'm working on being kinder to myself in general. I am really bad about placing a ton of perfect pressure on my own shoulders. I'm sharing these feelings because I think too often we only see the highlight reel. We all want to put the best versions of ourselves forward, and we hide the imperfections. Everyone has bad angles and bad hair days. Those silly imperfections should never have the power to overshadow joyous memories, that would be truly atrocious.

Email me


  1. 100% with you on this post. Post baby bod is hard to get used to. Sleep regression sucks. I don't know if my body is going to know what to do when I get a full nights rest next week.

  2. Girl! You are BEAUTIFUL! But, I know where you are coming from - 6 months postbaby and I still hate 75% of pictures of myself. We will get back to our confident pre-baby selves!

    Congratulations on having Rafe baptized - one of the most special moments!

  3. Cutest baby!!!! Ps you look beautiful. Remember it takes 9 mths to grow that perfect baby it will take time to get back to you, plus some of us (me) didn't have the wonderful oh I just breastfeed and the lbs melted off. Honestly I didn't lose weight till I was 3 mths post breastfeeding. Plus girl you're sleep deprived. Stop being so hard on yourself girl. I see a proud beautiful momma that had a beautiful boy.