Thursday, October 16, 2014

Transparency

Already half way through October, would you look at that. Time keeps on tickin tickin tickin, into the future....

I have been going back and forth over this blog lately. For a few months actually, ever since I became consistently inconsistent with posting. What happened? Why the big change? I thought you enjoyed the blog? You haven't been writing, is something up? All questions from readers and people in my real day to day life.

I have always blogged because it was something I enjoy doing on a personal level. I love the conversation it creates and the introductions made with people I otherwise never would have been afforded the opportunity to connect with. I love being able to go back and read about first time experiences or where I was at a certain point in my story vs how I feel today, and I know there will be upcoming life experiences I don't want to miss out on documenting.

Total transparency, I feel like I can't blog unless I'm being completely honest. I can't write if I feel like I'm hiding something. I do feel like I've been hiding something.

I'll just tell ya what happened. Several months ago, I was exposed to the dark side of blogging, and I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit. It sucked the joy out of writing here for me. It made me want to retreat, becoming much more selective about what I choose to share of myself on social media.

I was being discussed, albeit briefly on the website GOMI in connection with the blog Mama Laughlin. I had a huge spike in traffic, in regards to this post, which actually became my third most popular post ever written- it's insane how many people are reading there. Setting the record straight, I wasn't discussing her, I wasn't taking some passive aggressive virtual swing at her, I do not know her personally, I've had extremely minimal social media interaction with her, all of which has been totally public, blog comments, IG likes whatever, and I am not a regular reader of her blog. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm very direct. I don't make a habit of sugar coating things for myself or anyone else for that matter. If I had been specifically targeting someone, I would have come right out and said it.

Mostly the GOMI crowd was nice to me, but only because I literally halted my blog after this incident. I'm sure at some point the tide would have turned. It's fact of life that not everyone is going to like you. I'm ok with that. 

What I'm not ok with is the group style "snark" fest and literal bashing of another human being. Normal human beings. Just like me and you. People with feelings, emotions, families, and friends. We all put on our pants the same way, one leg at a time.

 I'll admit to being sucked into these forums. I'm shocked at how closely some people are followed, and critiqued. Some of what is written is seriously creepy  and disturbing shit. Some of it is educated well thought out rhetoric, that left me thinking, I can see their point of view. 

What I can't rationalize about the entire site is, What does anyone actually get out of this? What's the purpose? If you're so PO'd/ aggravated/irritated why not take it up with the source? Or just unfollow that person because hello- it's the internet. The internet! How can someone you don't even KNOW irritate you to such an extreme that you retreat to a site to pick apart that person with other strangers who you don't even know? On the internet. 

 Is our interpersonal communication really at such an all time low that we obsess over bloggers on the internet. I can't wrap my brain around that. What in the actual fuck is that?? 



I couldn't help feeling totally disgusted by what I found there. All this toxic unnecessary discussion about so many people. It tarnished my perception of blogging. I had to take a serious step back and access what positive contributions the blog was making on my life. Does the good outweigh the bad? I was living in this little bubble assuming everyone reading and following one anothers stories and posts, was giving each other good juju and positive support.BURST goes the bubble! My immediate reaction was, Why would I ever want to expose myself to this type of energy? Why would I subject myself to this? 

I almost completely deleted my blog last week. Like delete. Poof! Since the delete button is catastrophically permanent, I promised myself I would sit on it, and if within a week, I had no urge to write, I'd delete. If I had the urge to write, I'd totally recommit and follow  through with my new vision for this space. Including this literal rant about people I don't know on the internet. The irony is not lost on me. Obviously the latter won out. You're stuck with me.

CHEESE!!!
I will be back tomorrow. And Monday and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday and the week after that and that. Cause life is too short to let some bullies with keyboards and access to the internet stand in my way.


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22 comments:

  1. Puh puh puh PREACH sister friend! I am so glad you are back. I've missed you out here.

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  2. So glad you did not hit delete!! My mother used to tell me - "its none of your business what others think about you"

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  3. GOMI is a site filled with internet trolls that hide behind their computers to bring people down. I refuse to look at that site. I will have no part in the nonsense. I am glad you decided to stick it out here. I find you inspiring and positive...and I would hate to see you leave over some trolls that don't even know you.

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  4. Thank you! FInding your blog is what turned my life/body/fitness around and I am so thankful for this bit of encouragement! Continue to be the good/community part of the internet, thank you!

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  5. I have been reading on a lot of big weight loss blogs about being attacked and judged and ridiculed for their journey. Makes me angry. I have stumbled upon a few Instagram weight loss or whatever people I don't like, I just stop following. I have never felt so much aggression or anger or negativity towards someone that I felt it was my job to tell them how crappy they are. Makes me sad. How about, if you don't have something nice to say, go complain to your best or partner like the rest of us do and let it go!! I love that you were honest. I started following you right around the time you started tapering off, can't wait to read your blog when it is in full swing again!!

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  6. Yay so glad you're back! Yours is one of the first blogs I read/followed. I had no idea that site existed until now but holy crap, seriously?! I only wish I had enough time to dissect every little thing that annoyed me on the internet. They made the x in the corner of the screen for a reason, no? I don't blame you for losing your mojo after that.

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  7. UGH that site. I too got sucked in a couple of times a few months ago. But I felt a strong sense of direction to put it down and never look at it again. Like you say, it's toxic. And it was taking the joy out of something I found joyful - sharing in one another's lives through blogging. So I stopped cold and haven't looked back.

    I'm glad you didn't let them win. :)

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  8. I never, ever knew these forums existed. This is insanity. I am so, so glad that you are back. And that you are smart enough to know that these people are just making themselves look petty.

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  9. Do you hear that? It is me starting a slow clap. Welcome back! Say what you want to say in your corner of the internet. Be honest. Because if someone is going to talk about you at least let them talk about your honesty. You can't help it if the truth hurts or steps on toes. I'm glad you're back!

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  10. Whew lawd...welcome back!!! I was actually talking *positively* about you this morning with one of my running buddies as we were discussing our potential upcoming marathon training plan, can't wait to read what ya got!

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  11. Glad you are back,again! LOL, hope you've been doing well.

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  12. It takes the joy out of it when a couple people ruin it for a few that really do enjoy your blog posts. Glad you're back. I'm not sure if I want to come back or not completely, but the overwhelming support means something.

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  13. One time I looked at GOMI and I was shocked at some of the things people said on there. I TRY to have empathy...I mean, if someone says those kinds of things about someone they don't even know just imagine the things they must say to themselves. :-( I have always enjoyed your blog and I'm glad you're going to start posting again!

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  14. I don't really have a problem with "the site", mostly because I really do believe in that susie/sally quote you posted. Of course, nobody is discussing me so I may feel completely different if that were the case. But, enough of that.... I am glad that you are back!! I had found your blog right before you quit posting...so I'm excited to get to read more! :)

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  15. I have missed you!! I love reading your blog every day and have no idea what "GOMI" is :) All I know is that your content is wonderful and I look forward to reading it every day. Hang in there....

    Eileen

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  16. Yay, you came back!! Glad you addressed this head on - it's part of the reason I set ours to private way back when (and I guess eventually stopped blogging). The internet is a crazy world!! Hope you are doing well!

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  17. PS Kristie and I talk about you in person all the time - of course good things....like.....did you see Elle Noel's motivational quote the other day? OR (mainly this comes from me) OMG can you believe how cute her dogs are??!! haha:)

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  18. Girlllllll I'm so glad to see you back! Let the good outweigh the bad, because I love your blog, your motivation, and your sense of humor!

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  19. I got sucked into GOMI a couple of months ago. I never posted on it, but did spend an unnecessary part of my time reading through the site. I would be so emotionally worn out after reading it. Like you said, what good does it do for women (I'm sure 99% of them are women) to critique and bash someone they don't even know? Just crazy.

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  20. I'm glad you didn't decide to quit blogging! I can understand how something like that would make you want to though. I admire your directness and honesty. The world is full of all kinds of people. You just have to pay no mind to those that don't deserve your attention.

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  21. {{hugs}} to you! And happy to see you're coming back. I've missed ya!

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