Monday, September 16, 2013

10 Mile ReCap: The Shit-uation

Disclaimer- If you're easily grossed out this post is not for you.

This past Saturday morning, I set out on my week 8 half training round two 10 mile run. After my miserable experience with week seven's nine mile run, I was feeling less than confident in my abilities. During that miserable run, one of my run buddies asked me, "What did you do differently?" Nothing, I rolled hard in the paint all week long! "Have you been resting?" No.Busted. "You should probably bring down your mileage" When someone with more experience than you gives you solid advice, you should take that advice. Thanks genius!

Week 7, I brought my mileage down, and took in more rest. My legs were sore at the beginning of the week, in lieu of running, I completed time comparable cross training. However, the rule that I always follow for myself is to never allow my one long run to account for more than 50% of my weekly mileage. Going into Saturday's run, I had put up twelve miles for the week. I knew I could finish the ten mile run, however, I wanted to do more than finish. I wanted to do well. I wanted to feel good running. I wanted to find that feeling. The weather has been miserable at best and ultra miserable at worst. When I woke up Saturday morning, humidity was at 93% dew point 73. Awesome. Whatever though, I hadn't had high hopes, just log the miles. 

Starting off the day with Spark! and a protein bar, I hit the door and took off to meet my people! Everyone is training for different races and running different distances, for the most part we start the run together and have coffee together at the end, occasionally we see each other on the road etc. I had planned to take off one direction on my own (where I had hidden my coldest water bottle) however, some of the girls were running a seven mile route and I thought, meh 10 miles is long time to spend by yourself! Impromptu reroute, I took off running with the seven mile group. We started off conservatively, I couldn't help thinking, this pace feels too slow. It feels good today and I want to make the best of it! The same Sole Sista with the bring down the mileage advice was feeling great too, so we set off on a more aggressive pace than normal. 

The first 2 miles, we booked it together logging two back to back 9 minute milers. I haven't run that fast outdoors since the Spring, and it felt AWESOME! Legs were good, breathing was great, not thirsty, already hot and sweaty, but with the humidity that's to be anticipated. The seven mile group was venturing further and further from my secret water stops, so I had to turn off by myself and head back, which was good for me. I'd be glad I was closer to the main road later. Something wicked this way comes

My run buddy had 7 miles to run and I had 10, it probably wasn't the smartest idea to log such fast mileage right at the start. Whatever, I thought again, I'm sure the humidity will get the best of me momentarily. Enjoy it while it lasts! Three miles in, I hit my first water stop. I was shocked at how fast I was moving. A run hadn't felt so great since the spring, and I was loving every moment of it! I decided to bring down my pace a little bit, terrified the feeling would dissipate and I'd have a 9 mile run repeat.

I felt fantastic until mile 4.5. Not that I felt bad running, but I had what all long distance runners know as the shit-uation. The shit-uation always strikes at the worst times.Usually there's no bathroom around for miles, not even a dirty porta potty at a construction site. It's uncomfortable and most inconvenient, and can occasionally end very very badly with a highly embarrassing moment. Occasionally, lots of running will make you really really need to go number 2. Like right now yesterday. 

I was in a  real predicament. Here I was alone, at 6 something in the morning in a residential neighborhood, wearing hot shorts, and bathroom emergency. Fack. Fack. Fack . No bueno. I knew of a public bathroom near by, so all I had to do was get there, and I'd be all good. After some stop and go, lots of perseverance, and one really needy cat trailing me later, I made it to the restroom. 

Another road block. The damn door is locked! Why is the door locked?! Nobody trusts anyone anymore?! Time to call for back up. This is not going to end well. The emergency was getting worse. At least it's so early in the morning no one will be around to witness your embarrassment so ya know, there's that. I was getting stressed. I was not about to have the most embarrassing moment of my adult life, during the best run I'd had in months! I was about 2 miles from my Mom's house. I called her. MOM! Help me!!!! I explained the shit-tuation to Mom, and she was on her way to swoop me up. I have to get dressed first Leigh Ann hang tight! 

I will never be a full blown grown up. Mommy to the rescue! I decided it would be best for me to make my way closer to the main road where she could find me more easily. Did I mention I was in the middle of an ally, across from a jewelry store, dressed in all black, sweating bullets, alternating between sitting and standing? All 6 feet tall of me looking like a major creep. Awesome sauce.

I start making my way back to the main road, and the urge starts passing, Alright! Here we go I'm going to be ok! I made it to 5.5 and the urge is returning, with vengeance. Why am I wearing these ridiculously small shorts?! Is this really my life?!  This is bad. Bad bad. I'm back to alternating between sitting and standing on the corner of the intersection looking like an even bigger creep, or a really poorly dressed street walker. There's a man in a truck staring me down. What the hell is wrong with her? Polite takes over and I decide to wave. He waves back. I love the south.  

Where are you Mom?! I see her car across the intersection from me. I should mention this is a MAJOR intersection. It's early and there's not much traffic, but still a major intersection. I can't wait for the light to change. I have to get in the car. I have to sit. NOW.

Bolting across the intersection, I flung myself into the passenger seat (I made sure to stop my watch at this point, I'm not losing this awesome pace). I'm fairly positive I gave the woman waiting at the light behind my Mom a mini panic attack. After laughing hysterically at my shit-uation, she takes me to her house and I handle my business. Hallelujah, that was a CLOSE call. Mom drops me back off exactly where I hijacked my ride. You better hope this doesn't happen on race day! Ugh thanks Mom. I'm SURE I will be hearing about this for years to come. Remember that time you almost shit yourself in River Ranch?! Ha. Ha. (FYI- this isn't the first time this has happened to me,and I'm sure it won't be the last)

I'm back at the intersection, 5.5 miles in. I am going to finish this run! The whole ordeal pre pausing my watch had cost me some time, but whatever (theme of the day). Persist! I ate my first shot block and I'm back to cruising. I was really moving along, the run felt easy. I was ecstatic. This is why I enjoy running! I tried to be conservative with my pacing, after all, I'm only a little more than half way done. I ran to my original water stop I had abandoned. I got there and ate one more shot block. A little over 7 miles. Alright alright alright! Only a 5k to go, time to cruise! I put my pace into auto pilot and focused on getting back to the coffee shop.

I began thinking this summer training half wasn't such a bad idea after all. Struggles make us stronger, and training during this time of the year was obviously doing me favors. The run felt fantastic. Even with the humidity, even with the shit-utation, this was easily my best run of training. I felt unstoppable, I am woman hear me roar, I love to run!!! I looked down at my watch, mile 9, I'd run a 9:20 minute mile. I was running negative splits. This never happens for me at the end of a run. I was not about to lose my pace. Mile 10 I brought it on home with an 8:55. Snap, I was back! I really felt I could have run the half that day. I had finally found that feeling that had been evading me. Runners High, that is what it's all about. 

I made it back to the coffee shop, the last one back. How was your run?! Ya'll, let me tell you about what just happened to me! The shit-uation recap was hysterical, and my little story brought out other's close calls as well. The shit was a flying. There we were, the crazy sweaty ladies at 8am on Saturday, laughing hysterically about the most unlady like of events. Just another reason why,  I LOVE these women. 

Beat my original 10 mile Training Time - Rock star status!
Side Note- I did not coin "The Shit-uation". Credit goes to my incredibly witty friend who constantly gives me punnies for the blog! Ya'll are welcome!


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21 comments:

  1. LOVE THIS!!! We all have had a shituation, I am sure of it! My sister is a runner and she "sharted" during her Disney Princess Half Marathon. She had to make a mad dash for the bathrooms. Nothing like that moment when your realize your toot is more than a toot! Just think of how many people you will make laugh, with this story! I know it made me laugh outloud. And only because I know exactly what you are talking about! :)

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  2. Oh my goodness! I'm sad to say I know exactly what you're talking about - nothing like an "oh shit" moment to start your day! Luckily I've always made it in time, but I can help but worry on each of my long runs....

    Nice story telling! And glad you felt good for most of it!

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  3. You told this so well and lady-like even though it was a um...un ladylike issue...I have def had an experience like this..contemplated putting it on the blog, but unfortunately did not make it to my house in time and had to sit on the side of a road while cars passed so I could sneak back to my bathroom before throwing my shorts away. Thank God for early morning runs or we both would have been a lil more embarassed!

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  4. Glad it ended on a high note. I had my 10 miler yesterday too & wasn't sure if I was going to have GI issues...worst feeling when you're trapped on a trail...even worse with a running partner;-( Made it through though!

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  5. Glad you actually made it to your Mom's house...some of us have not been so lucky in the past :( I was actually afraid after you ate your Shot Block it might have turned into a Shit-block for you (learned that the hard way-even after a trial run with them). I heart your and your blog. You always make me smile and I feel inspired.

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  6. Oh no! It was great that your mom was so close though! I HATE that feeling!

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  7. Thank God for moms. I had to call mine to pick me up one Saturday during a run. 32 years old and still calling mom for help, ha!

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  8. Oh! Bless your heart! I'm so sorry, but you totally made my day! I haven't laughed this hard in so long (only because I've been there, done that). Thank you!!!

    I actually got 6 miles in last week....at one time! Longest for me before that was 2 miles maybe 12 years ago!

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  9. I love that you share it all! I had this happen to me once after a freaking 5k. I had a 30 minute drive home and was sweating bullets and calling to sweet baby Jesus the whole time. It scarred me a bit!

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  10. Ha ha...girl I love that you can just lay it out there. Nobodies alone in this. I can say I've never had that while running. I can say I've peed my pants since I have a bladder of a toddler. Yes, my nickname is in fact Tinkalina!

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  11. oh my... I had THE SAME thing happen to me Sunday on my 10 miler!!! haha

    I was like ohh wow, this is what everyone talks about - I had never had it happen to me before!!!!

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  12. I'm basically an indoor exerciser ... it comes in handy, always have a potty just a few steps away!

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  13. Um yeah... that's EXACTLY why my 9 mile (well 9.whatever 15K) scheduled for Saturday only turned out to be 6.4 miles. No bueno! I was too freaked out that someone on the trail or whatever would see me if I ventured off behind a tree! Ahh fun times!

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  14. I feel like only women runners can really understand the shit-uation. My boyfriend sure doesn't. He responds with comments like, "Why didn't you go before" and "Why are you yelling at me?" BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND YOU'RE DRIVING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. YOU CAN TURN AROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN STREET.

    There is a reason I like to run along the woods and not in neighborhoods!

    At least you didn't engage in "Malicious fecal distribution"

    jess
    Quaintrelle

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  15. This totally made me laugh :) Ive been there, but I was on the treadmill and refused to stop...it was my first 5 miler or 4 cant remember :) Glad you made it and have the feeling back!

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  16. OMG I know the running shituation - not good! This made me giggle ;)

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  17. Oh yes girl, I have been there!! Your recap is hilarious, so thankful your mom made it to the rescue!!

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  18. Omg I just laughed so hard I have tears running down my face!! Mostly because I've done that panic a few times and totally know how it feels!! TG for mom!!

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  19. ONE of my favorite posts ever by you!!!!! Gosh I love reading your shit ha!
    Happy Monday!!!
    XOXO
    Elisha Run Run Run

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