Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Mr. Noel Guest Post- My First 5k

I've got a treat for ya'll today. Mr.Noel is going to regale you with the tale of his first 5k. Why he decided to run and whether or not he'll ever do another race, forever abandoning his spot as cheerleader at the race day finish line. Today is an extra special day for us. It feels appropriate to share my space on the Internet with him as it's been two whole years since we did this...

This day two years ago, everything about my life changed. For the better. We're not perfect,our relationship is not perfect, but we have always remained true to us. I love you boo, thanks for being you!

Well here I go.  Just like when you are shopping for an engagement ring, got to remember the four C's.  Well when you run a race, got to remember the 5 K's.

The 5ks of Race Running: 

Karth Brooks
Kickin Ass

The Lord blessed me with another year on this spinning orb. This past Saturday, the opportunity presented itself to run a 5k with Elle and a few of my other friends.  I ran the 5Ks once when I was in the eighth grade. It was in New Orleans and can't remember my exact time. I think it was about seventeen minutes.  Being a hard core soccer player with ADHD helped at that age. Present day, I am now the recent recipient of the grand title of mid thirties. I have not worked out since football ended my senior year of high school and have a hatred of diet and everything it brings it doesn't bring to the table.  Pun intended. On to the story.


Church Point, Louisiana, my home town of about 4k people. Our annual buggy festival is fixing to begin and I have just signed up my first adult 5k. I'm thinking, "self, you just paid money to run around a town you couldn't drive fast enough out of"

Note -Church Point is a speed trap.   Standing in line at the start/finish I notice I am behind some one with a walker. How am I supposed to beat my wife and rub it in her face if I am trapped behind Estelle Getty in an episode of the Golden Girls, and Blanche isn't even here to fire me up?

We start the race. I am keeping with Elle and my friends. They quickly pace them selves and establish a pace that I can live with.... but not for long


During my high school years, I was one of the honored few to get selected to run the 2 mile for track. Why would I be selected for such an honor? Was it my long, slender build?  My genetic disposition to withstand pain?  Negative,  it was my inability to tell my coach No. Long story short, my long distance running career ended with me competing for second to last place with some other sad soul who drew the short straw in high school track and had very bad limp.   Victory was bitter sweet......for him that day.  

Which brings me back to this foolish conquest. 1 mile into this 5k, I am about 300 yards behind Elle. Pacing but losing about 10 yards a minute.  To her credit, she never even looked back to give me a shit eating grin.


I should not be here.  This is going to suck for about an hour.   I will not beat her. Bragging rights?  No, Xbox achievements or Microsoft points can be traded in for this,no. Tough it out now.  You have 2 more miles to go. Oh look the Piggly Wiggly. Tell Regis you are phoning a friend.


Continued on for the next mile, disobeying several traffic laws in the "Cajun Garden of Eden"
Note- if you ever meet some one that claims they are a Cajun, they will know someone from Church Point. I think this is ground zero for the Acadia Invasion.

Back to the story. I now should walk a bit. Not too long, just enough to regain the trust back from my tired legs.  I walked about an eighth of a mile.  My walking pace is a thing of beauty. Lloydes of London once asked me if I could be a body double in case Kathy Ireland ever injured her legs.  That is a different post for a better day than this.  I'm in this deep!

Karth Brooks

I have hit my wall.  I have alternated between jogging and walking for about a half mile now. A song from my random iPhone playlist is taunting me. Garth Brooks- I'm much too young to feel this damn old. My ear buds fall out. Imagine the scene in Aladdin when the genie loses his manacles, then bounces around the clouds. That was me, but no cocaine addiction and slightly less energy, and I don't have hairy knuckles like Robin Williams.  I slowly climb out of my slump. Pick up the pace.

Kick Ass

You have to at least finish running.  If you walk in, it shows weakness. Elle preys on weakness. Plus, if she attacks and your legs get injured, no more Kathy body double gigs.

Channeling my inner Elle Noel, I focus on completing and beating someone.  That twelve year old with the fancy Beats by Dr. Dre, never knew it was coming. Pace quickened stride came back. Home stretch was in sight.

Rounding the last corner saw one of my friends cheering me on. I shoved the little kid out of the way for good measure and plowed through the finish line, leaning forward as if this was the end of the 100 yard dash.

Would I do this again?  Maybe. I caught a slight bug to see where I can push my self.  It was a good feeling. It was over.

I'm greeted by an older gentleman after the race,"Hey didn't you and this young lady take off running together?  She has been waiting on you for the last 10 minutes". Thanks Adam from the "Cajun Garden of Eden". Hand me an apple and be done with it.

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  1. Love it! Good for you Mr Noel!!! We are all proud of you, as I am sure Elle is!!!

  2. Oh my goodness this is hilarious! I love that even you use the phrase "channel my inner Elle Noel"...hopefully this is the first of many more 5Ks, and I can't wait to use those 5K's when I run my next race :)

  3. HA HA HA! Thanks for the laugh today I needed it!!! Love the wedding picture and HAPPY TWO YEARS!

  4. great post!...another poor man forced to run for his wife's love.

  5. So funny! At least you finished...and it wasn't last! Poor 12 year old boy...

  6. I love it!! Good Job Mr. Noel. I told Elle yesterday that I wish my hubby would run with me. So good for you!! And don't listen to Hubby Jack he LOVES to run. ;) And Karth Brooks will get ya everytime!! Happy Anniversary you guys!!!

  7. I haven't commented in forever - blame work blocking blogger.com - annoying! Anyway, this was a great post by Mr. Noel ... I LOVED IT! The 5 k's to running - genius!

  8. This post had me cracking up the entire time I was reading it! Congratulations on your first 5K, Mr. Noel! I hope you keep it up so we can see just how fast those Kathy Ireland legs can carry you! :)

  9. Thanks for the laugh's today! Congrats on your first 5k!!

  10. Loved this and he pretty much summed up how I've felt during my last few races. Go in confident and then get hit with a "what the hell am I doing?" moment. The Golden Girls reference totally made my day, though.

  11. How did I miss this?? Hilarious! Loved the end part...hand me an apple and be done with it.

    Do we have a Hubby Elle blog in the making? I would read it for sure!