Friday, May 3, 2013

Weekly Weigh In- A New Point of View

It's been a few weeks since I've entered in my weekly weigh in post. I've lost three of the five gained from that awful weigh in, however, I'm steady holding onto my last five pounds to goal weight. Weight this morning was 160. I had a big come to Jesus talk with one of my close friends about this number I've been obsessing over for years. It opened my eyes and made me realize I need to shift my perspective.

In January 2011, at 215 pounds I set a goal weight of 155 pounds for myself. I picked this weight, because at 6'0 tall it was the lower end of my normal. Additionally, this is how much I weighed at my thinnest previous weight. That said, I weighed 155 by not eating, no exercise, partying, etc. I was NOT healthy. I did not feel healthy. I only cared that my pant tag said size 8. Now it says size 6 or 4, and I weigh more now than I did then. Pumping that iron, oh yeahsss! I've been building muscle mass, and it weighs more than fat. I'm leaning out, but I weigh more. It's difficult to adjust that perspective, but I'm learning. It's not easy.

 I'm not saying I'll never weigh 155 pounds. Maybe I will, but I want to be a solid 155. Lean and muscular. I'm still going to track my food every single day. I'm still going to plan my work outs. I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing. However, my goals are shifting and changing as I am each day. I'm less concerned with what the scale has to say. I don't want to break up with the scale. I care about my relationship with that number. I want to keep in close contact with it, however, it's past time for me to reevaluate. My overall goal from this point forward is to shed body fat. I want to get my body fat at 18%. It's going to be hard work. I may even gain weight trying to get there, muscle weighs more than fat, but that's my new goal. That's the number I'm going to focus on.

My come to Jesus talk came about last week. I was out running with someone I really admire. She taught me how to run, literally, she was my 10k run coach, and here I was out keeping pace with her. It felt amazing. It felt surreal. My run buddy said to me- It's freaking crazy how far you've come! In such a short time!

 Don't I know it. When I look back over the last 6 months, I've lost give or take five pounds. However, I'm smaller, tighter, stronger, faster, and feeling better about my body each and every single day. It's not just about running, sure, I've managed to significantly increase pace over distance in a short amount a time. I'm impressed with myself. It hasn't been for  lack of trying. My endurance level is higher than I could have ever imagined possible. That said, I know I will only get stronger. Clean eating is habit. Period. It's just what I do. I walk into stores and pick up the size four and smalls without hesitation. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think Who am I?

Then I think about myself obsessing over this number. A number that defines my relationship with gravity. That's it. That's all it is. Someone said to me this past weekend, Who cares what you weigh when you look like that! 

Would weighing 155 pounds equal the feeling a got when the above statement was said to me? NO

Would weighing 155 pounds equal the feeling of running 9 minute miles? NO 

Would weighing 155 equal the feeling of buying size fours? NO

Would weighing 155 equal the feeling of sitting down in a swim suit and not feeling self conscience? HELL NO

Why am I still doing this to myself, obsessing over this number? I'm done. I'm letting it go. I work out and eat clean because,  I LOVE IT. I love watching my body change. I love seeing muscle definition  I love challenging my previous limitations. I love racing against myself. I love feeling good. I no longer make myself feel good by eating Mexican and downing Margaritas. I make myself feel good by pounding out four miles and pumping some iron. For a long time, I was worried old Leigh Ann would come back. I'm not scared of her anymore. Fit Leigh Ann is here to stay. There is no finish line. Only new goals.


FYI- I'm cooking up a new challenge now. It may seem out of the box, extreme, to some, but I'm ready to take this crazy train to the next level. Stay tuned...details next week!


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22 comments:

  1. I've obsessed about the number too. I'm stuck at 163 and am trying everything I can to drop those last three. I weighed 160 seven years ago, but this time I'm smaller than I was then by my clothing size. It's still so tough to get that number out of my head though. It's just three pounds, for crying out loud! Why cannot I not just get rid of that tiny amount when I've lost so much already?!? My body is just crazy.

    Picking up a much smaller size never gets old though!

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  2. Oh girl, this hit me hard today. I have lost my love for this stuff and I so desperately want to find it again. If you notice someone stalking your posts from about a year ago it is me. I think I need to start small and then build to bigger better things. Bring on the new challenge. I NEED something!

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  3. What an amazing freakin post. I loved so much about it, but your last line of

    "For a long time, I was worried old Leigh Ann would come back. I'm not scared of her anymore. Fit Leigh Ann is here to stay. "

    Wow just wow!!! I feel my mind set slowly shifting, I have tried and started and stopped and kept going, and my weight loss is not hugely significant yet, but I DEFINETLY feel 100 times better than I did a year ago. But the old me creeps back in, lately I have been feeling like she just isn't coming back. It scares me because what if she does? But I so relate to your statement, it almost like you are fighting with your old self to go away and just leave you alone, with all the negative self talk etc. Anyways, you inspire me and I just love your blog. It has definetly helped me take things to the next level. I can't wait to see what your challenge is.

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  4. You are a rock star! I love following your journey; it motivates me to get my booty in gear :)

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  5. Oh, hun, we are on the same wave length. Just yesterday I blogged about the very same thing. The last time I was at the weight I am now I was wearing bigger clothes. It was because the last time I got to this weight I wasn't eating properly or exercising.
    You look fabulous and as you strut down the street all people can see a gorgeous bombshell not a number on the scale.

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  6. Can't wait to see your new challenge!

    You look amazing and whether you know it or not you glow!! You always look happy and confident!

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  7. good for you- how healthy you are and how you feel is WAY more important than a number! thats so important to remember! :)

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  8. 1. You look AMAZING!!
    2. You are such an inspiration!

    I love that you're no longer afraid of "old Leigh Ann" anymore. I'm not quite there yet, but I hope to be one day :)

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  9. I was about to say- YOU DO NOT LOOK 160! You look way skinnier than that! Then, I realized you are 6 foot tall :) Lucky you! I weigh the same but I am 5'7".. whomp whomp! You look great! Screw the scale!

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  10. Oooh a new challenge! Can't wait to see it. Thanks for being an inspiration to us all. Enjoy your weekend!

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  11. Great post, youre looking amazing and I am in constant awe of the mental transformation youve made, I have a weird relationship with the scale, Im afraid if I dont weigh myself every day, old fatty will show up...I know it's crazy Im learning how to let go a little bit :)

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  12. Good for you! I think that's a really great decision for you. You look amazing!!

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  13. can't wait to hear about the new challenge!

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  14. You are amazing. Your perspective is insanely motivating and I'm just so grateful that you share your journey!

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  15. You look STUNNING!! Lately I have been really trying to concentrate on how much stronger my body has been getting and no so much the number on the scale as well.

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  16. I'm like you and I seem to waiver between a few pounds especially when I'm not being vigilant. Good for you for getting back on track.

    I think you look amazing!

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  17. I find myself trying to desperately not focus on the scale. I have set a goal of 150 (for my 5'3" frame, this would still be considered overweight still) BUT in reality, I just want to be a) comfortable b)FIT and c)healthy. So, while the scale might not move as much as I'd like, I realize I have lost inches and I've "gained" muscle. I am finally at a place where most of the time I am not a slave to the scale. I don't let the scale not budging influence my motivation. I focus on how I feel and what working out and eating right does to me rather than the scale. It took a long time to even think a little bit like this.

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  18. Girl you are amazing inside and out! I can only hope that one day I get to be "Fit Stephanie" and not worry about "Fat Stephanie" working her way back in. As always, thanks for the motivation!!

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  19. I obsess over that number too.
    But it truly is about how we feel.
    Why is it so hard sometimes to retrain that way of thinking!!
    You look great, chica!
    Keep on doing what you're doing...bettering yourself and inspiring all of us!!!

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