It's been a few weeks since I've entered in my weekly weigh in post. I've lost three of the five gained from that awful weigh in, however, I'm steady holding onto my last five pounds to goal weight. Weight this morning was 160. I had a big come to Jesus talk with one of my close friends about this number I've been obsessing over for years. It opened my eyes and made me realize I need to shift my perspective.
In January 2011, at 215 pounds I set a goal weight of 155 pounds for myself. I picked this weight, because at 6'0 tall it was the lower end of my normal. Additionally, this is how much I weighed at my thinnest previous weight. That said, I weighed 155 by not eating, no exercise, partying, etc. I was NOT healthy. I did not feel healthy. I only cared that my pant tag said size 8. Now it says size 6 or 4, and I weigh more now than I did then. Pumping that iron, oh yeahsss! I've been building muscle mass, and it weighs more than fat. I'm leaning out, but I weigh more. It's difficult to adjust that perspective, but I'm learning. It's not easy.
I'm not saying I'll never weigh 155 pounds. Maybe I will, but I want to be a solid 155. Lean and muscular. I'm still going to track my food every single day. I'm still going to plan my work outs. I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing. However, my goals are shifting and changing as I am each day. I'm less concerned with what the scale has to say. I don't want to break up with the scale. I care about my relationship with that number. I want to keep in close contact with it, however, it's past time for me to reevaluate. My overall goal from this point forward is to shed body fat. I want to get my body fat at 18%. It's going to be hard work. I may even gain weight trying to get there, muscle weighs more than fat, but that's my new goal. That's the number I'm going to focus on.
My come to Jesus talk came about last week. I was out running with someone I really admire. She taught me how to run, literally, she was my 10k run coach, and here I was out keeping pace with her. It felt amazing. It felt surreal. My run buddy said to me- It's freaking crazy how far you've come! In such a short time!
Don't I know it. When I look back over the last 6 months, I've lost give or take five pounds. However, I'm smaller, tighter, stronger, faster, and feeling better about my body each and every single day. It's not just about running, sure, I've managed to significantly increase pace over distance in a short amount a time. I'm impressed with myself. It hasn't been for lack of trying. My endurance level is higher than I could have ever imagined possible. That said, I know I will only get stronger. Clean eating is habit. Period. It's just what I do. I walk into stores and pick up the size four and smalls without hesitation. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think Who am I?
Then I think about myself obsessing over this number. A number that defines my relationship with gravity. That's it. That's all it is. Someone said to me this past weekend, Who cares what you weigh when you look like that!
Would weighing 155 pounds equal the feeling a got when the above statement was said to me? NO
Would weighing 155 pounds equal the feeling of running 9 minute miles? NO
Would weighing 155 equal the feeling of buying size fours? NO
Would weighing 155 equal the feeling of sitting down in a swim suit and not feeling self conscience? HELL NO
Why am I still doing this to myself, obsessing over this number? I'm done. I'm letting it go. I work out and eat clean because, I LOVE IT. I love watching my body change. I love seeing muscle definition I love challenging my previous limitations. I love racing against myself. I love feeling good. I no longer make myself feel good by eating Mexican and downing Margaritas. I make myself feel good by pounding out four miles and pumping some iron. For a long time, I was worried old Leigh Ann would come back. I'm not scared of her anymore. Fit Leigh Ann is here to stay. There is no finish line. Only new goals.
FYI- I'm cooking up a new challenge now. It may seem out of the box, extreme, to some, but I'm ready to take this crazy train to the next level. Stay tuned...details next week!