Good morning Elle Noelers! Thanks for stopping by! I know you're expecting the usually Friday weekly weigh-in but today is an extra special day for me. It's the second anniversary of my A-HA moment. The moment I realized I needed to make some big changes in my life style in order for me to live a truly happy life. It's been a long journey and I'm not there yet, but I feel it's time for me to share the nitty gritty with all of you. The bare bones of my story, including, gulp, numbers.
I follow so many of your blogs green with envy where women are fearlessly posting their weight. For me, that number has always been so intensely personal. Intensely personal, because I have always been ashamed of that number. I've spent years comparing my weight with other women, and newsflash, I'm not like anyone else. My body is as unique as I am, and the number that defines your relationship with gravity is too. I do however feel it is important for me to share, and know it's not something I do easily. It's taken me a long long time to get to this point. It's a number so many of my fellow tall ladies have reached out to me about, something to compare their weight against, because when you're 5'10 plus- you can't compare yourself to someone who is 5'5 and posting their weight, it's completely unrealistic.
True confession time: tall people weigh more than shorter people. GASP. Crazy revolution right there. As a tall girl (I'm 5'11 and 3/4 to be exact), I have always felt the need to defend my number. To explain why it's so much higher than a girl who is 5'6 or 5'4 or any other "average" height in that neighborhood. My biggest resolution this year, is to really own who I am. Own my decisions, own my body, respect myself, and stop trying so hard to please other people, and right now, I need to be me. That said, I'm finally ready to share. It's been two years since I decided to reinvent myself, to change my life, and to love my body. Sharing the big picture, it feels like completing the process. Let me be clear- I in no way shape or form feel like "I'm finished!" "It's over!" "I've succeeded!" because I'm not there yet. I never will be there. This lifestyle is a way of life, not a race to the finish line.....
I don't know how much you know about my story, but I have long struggled with yo-yo dieting and managing my weight, basically since puberty I've always been a bigger girl, and for a long time, I thought that I should just accept that as my lot in life, the hand I had been dealt. I joined my gym, Personally Fit, in the summer of 2009 in a bid to drop a few L-B-s before a summer beach trip, I managed to wiggle off about 15 pounds and after the beach trip, I wiggled out of my work out habits too. I exercised here and there, but I never really challenged myself, and I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
It wasn't until January 2011 that I would become serious about my commitment to my weight loss goals. Six months out from my wedding, a massive motivator, I saw a picture of myself, and I did not like what I saw. My cloths reserved for fat days were now being worn everyday and they were getting to snug as well. Since I'd been neglecting my gym membership and fueling my body with all the wrong things, I knew I had gained a large amount of weight. I was hiding from my problems instead of facing them.
Enter January 11,2011, the day is forever carved in my brain, when I got big fat wake up call. I had the flu and the doctor's office is one place you can't avoid that big bad scale. The number was numbing and the biggest I'd ever seen. 215 pounds, up from the 193 pounds I weighed when I joined the gym. I managed to get to my car before the water works started. I was a basket case, a complete hot mess.
Why was it so hard for me to manage my weight? How had I let this happen to myself? Was this my curse in life to "accept" my fat body? Was I destined to be a big person? I had zero confidence I'd be able to reach my dream weight, really love myself, and feel comfortable in my own skin. It was the darkest of feelings, shame, embarrassment, self loathing, and I wanted to nurse the feeling with a fast food run, peanut butter M&Ms, or buttered popcorn, somehow I resisted, thinking of the big bad, are you sure the scale isn't broken, number emblazoned in my memory. I drove home and devised a plan to say good bye to that number. I never want to feel like that again. I will never feel that way again.
I began cutting out processed foods and all fast food runs, adding in fruits, vegetables, limiting my carbohydrates, and sticking to lean protein. I forced myself to put in 5 work outs a week, and I started feeling good about myself again. The better I felt, the harder I worked, the harder I worked, the better the results. At the time I got married, I weighed 180 pounds.
Mr. Noel has literally and figuratively stuck by me through thick and thin, I am so lucky to have that man.
I was over the moon, but I still wanted more. After my wedding I relaxed with my eating , healthy eating sometimes, poor eating a lot of the time, but I continued my work outs, by January 2012, I'd gained back 13 pounds.I was not going to fight this battle yet again. I signed up for Personal Training with a friend.
Personal Training was when it all finally started to click. I began logging all of my food each and every day in an online diary, My Fitness Pal. I was finally able to put the pieces of the food puzzle in place. We frequently discussed what I should and should not be eating and my trainer was never afraid to push me to my physical limits. I began to excel. I lost 20 pounds in those 12 weeks. I felt unstoppable. I am woman hear me roar!
June 2012 at 173
In the months that followed, I began writing about my experiences (HELLO BLOG WORLD! Oh how I love thee!), networking with other women in similar experiences, trading knowledge, stories of success, and stories of setbacks. It's helped me to hold myself accountable, and push for my goals.
Finally, I started doing something I never in a million years dreamed I would do, I started long distance running. I started with a half mile, then a mile, and with each pounding of the foot, I began building a self confidence and self assurance that I never could have fathomed existed within myself. I started to really believe in myself and my ability to achieve my goals. I ran my first ever 10k in November and I'm currently training for my first Half Marathon, February 24th, 2012. Running is free therapy, I'm addicted to the runner's high, and those fuzzy positive endorphins it fuels me with.
Today I weigh 158.9 pounds, my goal weight is 155. I will get there, if there is anything I've learned about weight loss, it's slow and steady wins the race.
It's hard for me to reconcile the girl I am today with the girl I was then. Two years ago, I never would have imagined I'd be training for a half marathon, that running 5 miles would be a short run, that I would literally need an hour plus a day to myself at the gym, or that I'd be shopping for size 4's and 6's, but most importantly, that I would really and truly love walking around in my own skin. I'm so very excited to see what the next year holds for me, and how much I'll be able to achieve through Operation Red Bikini!
2013 holds some big changes for me. While I am excited for the future, for the first time in my life, I'm thoroughly enjoying the present, and that is something I have worked tirelessly hard to achieve.
3.9lbs to goal- 158.9
Find me on Facebook, Beachbody, Pinterest, Instagram @ellenoelfitness, Keek, and My Fitness Pal!