Thursday, October 11, 2012

Meet Mr. Noel and his Point of View

Good morning Ladies! Mr. Noel made good on his word and delivered his guest post! Happy Dance!
Handing the reigns over to Mr.Noel....

As promised, I'm guest writing the blog today. The bet was when the Saint’s win I would write a guest post. Wished it would have happened sooner, but Mick Jagger said it best, "You can't always get what you want" 

Let’s start this off by saying, I am not a writer. I have never made it past the first round of a spelling bee, never wooed women with Elizabethan poetry, and definitely never got my essays published by Penthouse Magazine.  Though I do feel a bit like Hunter S. Thompson as I drink my rum and diet coke while writing this.

So little bit about myself, I'm a few years older than Elle, (eight but who’s counting).  I was born on a warm rainy day; my mom was in a heap if pain and I was charging through....  

Seriously though, I left a small town right out of high school, to go to school and work in the “big city”.  I've always been a computer guy. Not the kind of guy that got hooked because of games (I do love my Xbox), but because of potential the field held, and I have always just "got" how they work.  I enjoy problem solving.

This leads me to Elle, who I met nearly seven years ago at a bar; she was the tallest girl in the room. I thought she was beautiful, and wooed her with a cool opening line of “Hi”, she entertained me with random conversation and laughed at all my jokes. I was hooked.

Before my Sally Jessie Rafael make over

Next, let’s go ahead and state the truth. Elle and I are polar opposites. I'm laid back, go with the flow (she would say slob kabob), while she's wound tighter than a rubber band in the hands of a meth head on a 4 day binge (goal oriented, neat freak). This works for her, and opposites clearly attract with us. Without all of her energy, ambition, and drive, she would not be able to focus on her goals of career and weight loss. I believe in my girl, she can accomplish whatever she sets her hard headed mind to. 

This comes to the next point.  

Our body types are different. Elle eats fast food and gains six pounds; it will take her a month to get it off. Meanwhile, I am not weight gain resistant superman. I gain weight, but I do play puppy tag along on her diet for about a week, and lose most of my weight gain. I will skip meals then binge eat at a buffet (record is five full plates of Chinese food). What Gordon Ramsey is to the wait staff, I am on my body for a week.  My work keeps me on the road a lot so I have the ability to get fast food or other "contraband" food, but I will follow along with her diet the week after, to keep my waist line out of trouble.  My weakness is boudin or rice and gravy.

(Both of us during an “up” swing)

What it's like living with Captain Fitness?  

Her exercise habits don’t affect me day to day. I’ve learned to sleep through the 4:45am alarm time, and I utilize her afternoon gym sessions for QT time with my Xbox. I don’t work out daily, but I do get in bike rides and do physical work on the job. Conventional exercise, it’s not my thing.
What really affects my life, it what we are eating or not eating week to week.
I’m sure your guys would agree, living with a woman on a weight loss mission turns grocery shopping trips into walks down memory lane.

 Do you remember the taste of pizza rolls or the taste of real bacon?
……… ....

The bread is down aisle one, but so are the little Debbie Swiss rolls. "I can't have that in my house" and "This is no carb weekend ". So the only things that end up in the basket are the wheat bread and a slapped swollen hand beside it. (I kid. A little) I suffer through it. Sometimes I complain and sometimes I don’t.

I find myself craving things I haven't eaten for years. Not because I especially like them, but because I can't have them.  I hated chicken pot pie as a kid. I am now looking for skinny recipes for this. 

In conclusion, is passing up on the Little Debbies and weekly rice and gravy worth it? Absolutely. Yes. My wife is happier than she has been in years (X 10), except for days when the weigh in does not meet expectations. Remember that rubber band in the hands of Walter White's best client?  Occasionally, it snaps. I deal with it. We all have bad days.

If there’s anything I’ve learned about women and weight loss, that shit is hard ass work.  It is a roller coaster ride, but it all ends either puking like an Olsen twin (joking girls, just joking) or really enjoying the ride. We both have more energy and feel better about life in general, but I’m not going to jump up and down and say weight loss is fun. It has its moments, maybe even its days, but its work.

Thanks for bearing with me. I am not a writer.
Word to the wise- Don’t make bets with Elle. She’ll hold you to your word. 


  1. I don't know my favorite part... The Hunter Thompson reference or the fact that you are trying to find a skinny recipe for chicken pot pie. I just laughed my ass off. You guys are funnnnyy.

  2. This was hilarious and I am teared up all in one. I love hubby guest posts - this was great. Great guy Leigh Ann - great guy:)

  3. Loved this post... it was great. It's always nice to hear what the husband's think about weight loss and healthier meals in their houses. That first picture is hilarious!

  4. Written like a pro, Mr. Noel!!!! I just love how well you support Elle. The beauty of love, marriage and support!!! I think my husband would enjoy reading this... I know he shares some of your pain (missing the "good" food) but like you, he says it is definitely worth it!

  5. Dear Mr. Noel, myself and my husband need to meet you. Please lose the mullet first, though, or he's bound to want one just like it.

  6. LOL! I also sent a link to my husband! Too funny! And he is SO right about grocery shopping being a trip down memory lane! What a card. :)

    This post (and Papa L's, and Chris' latest post on Holly's blog) has nearly convinced me to bribe Pete for a guest post on my blog! Me = shameless copycat.

  7. Loved this guest post!!! I think he did an awesome job and he definitely DOES have a knack for writing :)

  8. You have one hi-larious, knee slapper of a husband! "He's a keeper (and you're an enabler)"....$1 to the first one who knows what movie this is from!

  9. I love this so much! He is so funny. We ALL need to meet up SOOOOON!!!!