Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Let's Talk About Tattoos

Today I'm joining my gal Melanie in a Link Up to talk about tats! Let me start by saying I have no strong opinions regarding tattoos. They can be really cool conversational pieces and if someone wants to permanently ink a design/saying/tribal symbol/ skating butterflies/ arm band/ or dancing fairies on their body, that's their business. Do you! That's my "opinion".

Let's rewind... It's mid-May 2008. I just wrapped my Junior year of College and I turned 21 about five minutes ago. I am a wild crazy hot mess barrel of fun, school just let out, summer school doesn't start for six more weeks, my best friend is about to graduate-tear-, and I am way too excited about buying my own tequila from the liquor store! "Want to see my ID? I totally have it!" a la Jennifer Garner in 13 going on 30.

I've been dating Mr.Noel for two years, I still live at home, working a part-time job at the local tanning bed about 20-30 hours a week, and I signed up for summer school. Math classes are easier in the summer, everyone knows this.

Enter girl's beach trip to celebrate the ending of the spring semester,congratulate the few that are graduating, and let it all hang out for a few days. We pile into our cars and head for Orange Beach Alabama, about as close to Florida line as you can get in the panhandle. One of the girl's had free access to a three bedroom beach front condo, and we took full advantage. It was a great trip, defined by 21-22 year old wild crazy, never to be repeated, yet immortalized by Facebook, behavior.

Somewhere along the line my best friend and I decide we want to tattoo this guy on our derriere, a symbol of our University, which we clearly love, and after 30 jello shots and 5 glasses of boxed wine, keeping the Cayenne Pepper printed on my ass for all eternity seems like an excellent idea. We can't believe it's taken so long for us to come up with such a great plan! We're clearly geniuses.

At this time in my life, I really wanted to be seen as an independent "adult" and I most definitely was not. I lived at home, and by keeping my grades up to standard I received a weekly lunch and gas money allowance, as well as all of my other bills paid for me. Side Note- I'm also going to gain about 35 pounds over the course of this one summer...Why the hell did I want to grow up? Anywho..

We all head out to dinner one night. Have you ever heard of Lambert's? If you are ever in Foley, Alabama... it's a must stop destination. They don't serve alcohol and only accept cash or check, so let's look at the night before the gals get totally OOC (Out of Control)

I'm the blond you don't recognize on the left.

After shoveling a large amount of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and more than one hot roll in my yap, we all head back to the condo to hitch a cab ride to Florabama- open air music/club on the Alabama/Florida line. Shit is about to go down. OOC style.

Belly up to the bar

Somewhere around the time this picture is taken- we decide it's time to get our Cayenne tattoos. We begin looking for open tattoo parlors, and I make a phone call to inform my boyfriend that my ass will never be the same..

Or maybe it was after this picture? It's fuzzy

Mr. Noel informs that he knows me better than I know myself. No amount of red headed slut shots or Vegas bombs is going to get his Elle to tattoo the Cayenne Pepper on her ass. He's not at all concerned with my revelation and decision to immortalize Cayenne. He's so unconcerned that he completely rebukes the idea and says "Get real. You aren't doing that. I'll talk to you tomorrow" Click.

"Whatttt, why you no take me seriouslyyy?" Drunken Elle slur. Did he hang up? On ME?!

Remember how I wanted to be independent? An Adult? I'm legitimately upset for about 3 minutes, before we start singing shouting the lyrics to Garth Brooks Friends in Low Places (I'm the only one singing shouting the live version), that he doesn't take my clearly thought out and well devised decision seriously. I'm beyond determined to get the tattoo. Adults clearly tattoo chili peppers on their back side when they're highly intoxicated on a girl's trip, right? Insert cloudy drunken 21 year old thought processing, Pffff I can do whatever I want!

Random man buys our entire group more shots... Oyyee epic headache on the horizon...

Mr. Noel was 100 percent correct. He did know me better than I know myself. After a few more drinks the tattoo urge fades as my urge to drunk eat takes over. (Remember I'm going to gain 35-40 pounds this summer). I don't care that I just ate a meal large enough for two a short 6 hours prior, across the street from Florabama is this giant shining mecca of drunk eating. No college student can resist. Screw the tattoo parlor, it's time for more eating!

I ordered eggs, bacon, grits, and waffles. I've got weight to gain. I was also double fisting a skim milk and a Michelob Ultra (way to be calorie conscience Elle!) yes, I am aware of how disgusting this sounds. I have yet to live it down.

We didn't get the tattoo, and I'm glad we didn't, but it made for an interesting night, and a great story. I do not have a tattoo anywhere on my body. This was the one time in my life I felt a strong urge to get one. Why? I have no idea. Searching for independence, desire to do something to disappoint my overly generous parents? They would have been extremely disappointed in me had I made an inebriated, ill planned, permanent life decision...

I resisted, and the urge has never arisen again. Thank you Mr. Noel and Waffle House! 

Like I said before, I have no strong opinions regarding tattoos, I just don't have any.

My life philosophy is pretty simple, Do you!

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  1. What a great story!!! I was laughing the entire time and I'd take the 35 pounds over the tattoo of Cayenne any day!

  2. I pretty much laughed like a hyeena (spelling?) to this post today. A Cayenne pepper - too cute. I love this story - truly an epic adventure. Thanks for linking up girl and Happy Tuesday.

  3. LOVE your story... and your whole blog!

  4. I kept waiting to see a picture of Mr. Cayenne Pepper in ink but the story itself was much better. Can't say I resisted the urge, but great job doing it.

  5. Bahaha! I love it! And look! You've successfully removed those waffles from your body. Probably wouldn't be able to say the same about the cayenne pepper. :)

  6. Can I just say that "Friends in Low places" is also my go-to drunk, belt at the top of my voice song. ;)

  7. I was never a frequent drinker, but when I did...look out! I got so smashed one night, went to IHOP with friends (we don't have Waffle House around here...I know...it's tragic) and ate until I passed out at the table. I don't remember most of it. Not even the ice cream sundae they snapped a picture of me hoovering.

  8. Bahahaha this is hilarious. You are so dang funny, girlfriend. And I love that I know exactly where Florabama is and have been there quite a number of times! And that Waffle House is right across the street, right? Been there, too. Love it. We're bffs separated at birth.

  9. Maybe the one and only time a little binge drinking(and eating) paid off! I was going to say that getting the tattoo removed would have been more difficult than the weight loss, buy I'm not so sure. Probably a little less awkward than having a stranger put a laser to your booty though!

  10. I was REALLY hoping to get to the bottom of this post and see a picture of your bee-hind. :)

    I am glad Mr. Noel is a smart guy... and you got a clear head... otherwise, I would give you my title for the craziest tattoo, eva.

  11. Great story lady! I love you as a blondey!!!! I am so glad you listened to your smarty pants hubby - and I would take a week of nights at Awful Waffle House over Cayenne on my booty!